You really dont want to admit it, because its a pretty ridiculous thought, but youre scared of what being fully healed from the heartaches youve experienced entails. Because you arent sure of who you are when you arent hurting and you dont know how to observe the world with unclouded eyes. Its okay to be apprehensive of the sides of yourself that you havent had many opportunities to become acquainted with. While you may know yourself better than anybody else, that doesnt mean that you need to be an expert on all things you. Its okay to still be in the process of meeting yourself and figuring out who you are. You arent racing the clock.
Youre finally embracing the things youve been talking about doing for so long, but something feels off about it and you dont know why. Because isnt this the thing youve been working towards? Isnt this the life you pictured yourself living after pulling yourself out of the gutter and onto the grass? I dont think its right to assume that youve made the wrong decision here, but its important to remember that not everything you wrap your arms around is going to feel soft and easy to swallow. Sometimes the right decision has to hurt in order for it to be the right decision. Soon youll know if theres anything that needs changing.
I know that trusting your instincts after being led astray so many times is a difficult thing for you to wrap your head around. Youre not the type to forget about the poor decisions youve made, or the mistakes youve given life to. However, road bumps and wrong turns aside, you are still a person worth listening to. It may seem as though everybody else has a map showing them the route to success and that yours was lost in the mail, but Im going to let you in on a secret: nobody has a clue, a lot of us are just really good at acting as if we are. You havent fallen behind, youre running with the wolves.
Everyone assumes that you have a lot of love in your life but, while its easy to pinpoint a handful of people that have handled your heart with the utmost care, its easier to identify those that havent. At the end of the night the latter is what plagues your thoughts and wrings the tears out of your eyes, and admitting to that seems like a sign of weakness. But I want you to know that you arent obligated to live up to the expectations that the world holds for you. Youre allowed to make your own goals and visit your own places of interest. And the people that cant love you for that arent people that you need surrounding you, anyways.
You have a tendency to look for yourself in everybody you meet, stacking your personality traits up like chips in a poker game that youre destined to lose. The problem here is that in order to do this it involves reducing yourself to the most basic of traits and that isnt what you are. Just because you can rattle off a list of acquaintances that use humor to detract from a situation in the same way that you do, doesnt mean that youre a carbon copy conglomerate of the souls youve met and interacted with. Youre unique, and youre a lot more than simply a list of shared qualities. There are parts of you that cannot be put into words.
Has anybody told you lately that theyre proud of you? I know that things have been piling onto your windowsill and that you havent had the energy to clean it off yet but youre still standing tall and youre still here and thats something to be happy about. Celebrating the small victories isnt something that youre used to doing, but its time that you start; its time that you open your eyes to all of the things that you do on a daily basis that warrant praise and positive attention. An action doesnt have to be monumental in order to be important. You do wonderful things each and every day.
Its been difficult to get back into the depths of your passion because theres a really loud voice in your head saying that it isnt worth it. A feeling of insecurity welling up in your throat and spilling out of your mouth whenever you open it to speak. Sure, your dream is big. Cynics may have told you that it isnt worth pursuing. But theres a reason that youre chasing what you are, right? Its because it makes you happy, and it makes you feel whole. And I know that it can be incredibly discouraging to stumble over things you care about, but you just have to keep walking despite all of that. Your goals are worth it.
Lately youve been haunted by the memories of people that only came into your life to take. The nightmares have become an almost regular guest in your bed, taking the sheets and kicking your shins every night like clockwork. I want you to know that what you need to do in order to gain closure over the unkind past seems terrifying because it is. I also want you to know that you deserve to move on from those that have harmed your growth in the past. It may seem impossible to reach a place of contentment with the situation youre picturing as you read this, but youre more than capable of surviving whats follow you. Allow yourself to thrive.
Taking care of yourself still feels foreign, sometimes. Acting adult-like is an oversized jacket that youre familiar with shrugging off and leaving at home despite the weather that requires its presence. Theres too much societal and social pressure to be fully grown all of the time, in my opinion. Not to say that you shouldnt be responsible, or that you dont already take care of the things that you need to, but youre able to reevaluate what it means to be a successful human being. You arent chained to standards or rules or cookie-cutter definitions of being a grown-up. Dont lose touch with the roots that mean so much to you.
Another ending, another heartbreak, another name written through the steam on your shower wall. It isnt fair that you give so much and still only get apple cores and empty promises handed back to you. I know youre starting to wonder if it really is a you-thing, if the absences youve needed to learn to exist around were created by your own hands in ignorance. While most failed connections falter on both sides of a line, that doesnt mean youre allowed to be mean to yourself for things that arent exclusively your fault. Being kind to yourself is a practice that will benefit you more than you know. Its okay to give yourself a break.
Happiness is a lover that always sends you postcards but never tells you when theyre coming home. Youve grown so accustomed to their quick scrawl reading wish you were here that you can almost predict each cards arrival after every new bout of sadness. It feels like your emotions enjoy mocking you a lot of the time, making you cry over your latest heartache while reminding you of the moments in which you felt nothing but pure and unfiltered joy. I cant guarantee the continuous presence of bliss in your life, but I will say in confidence that itll always come back to you. Even when you think it wont. Especially then.
Its a lot easier to let the dying embers of a fire fade into darkness than it is to stoke them back to life. I know that youre tired of crouching next to weak flames, watching them flicker and refuse to glow despite your best efforts, and for good reason. Everybody knows that you deserve better from the world, that isnt a question. How could you, the big-hearted lover of love, be destined for something as ugly as this? The answer is that you arent. Large, beautiful, fulfilling things are on their way, slowly but surely. Dont forget that it wont always feel like this. You wont always view happy moments as a quick reprieve from the norm. Promise.
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