Instead Of Finding Her Lost Debit Card, Girl Finds Dead Fish In Her Car

You go out at night and get some Taco Bell. The next day, you find your debit card is missing. You head back to your car, and in the passenger’s seat, well… there’s a lot of mysteries in the world. Some villages report massive tornadoes raining sardines upon the heads of hundreds of people.

Flooded cities, once the waters recede, are left strewn with algae, squid and heaps upon heaps of writhing fish. Entire cities are claimed to wait beneath the water; if you take old Plato at his word, Atlantis is real. Perhaps it was a prophecy of the future, and a climate-ravaged Manhattan will one day become flooded Atlantis. In Florida, Mar-a-Lago will be unearthed from the bottom of the ocean and prized as a treasure of the ancient world, the military command center of a vast digital-nuclear empire. But for today, there is one small mystery we must address: How the hell did a dead fish get inside this woman’s car? This 19-year-old girl was ridiculously shocked to find such a strange thing in the unlikeliest of places. After the fact, she reasoned that since she had received the car a few weeks earlier, it was possible that the previous owners left it there. But how? Time, and technology, flies. But weird stuff remains the same. Who could have possibly placed it there? A prankster? No, the windows were rolled shut. Previous owners? Most likely. Zola decided that the dead fish probably tumbled right out of a bait box. The world of fishing is a tumultuous one. You use a worm to catch a sunfish, then use a sunfish to catch a pike, or so I imagine. Bait scales upward with size, until hypothetically you’re dangling giant dead marlins into the water off industrial-strength twenty-meter fishing poles to catch Leviathans like Moby Dick and the sea monster from Jurassic World in a future rich kid’s backyard aquarium. One person’s trash is another person’s treasure. A dead fish could have been shrugged at and discarded by a hungover man on his way to work in the morning, or puzzled and destroyed the psyche of someone who needed answers to all of life’s little oddities. Zola reacted the way most people would in that situation: immediately find some people, and get more eyes on this thing to prove it’s real. Unusual phenomena like ghosts, Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster would hypothetically be all over social media if they were visible and real.

We know, now, that mysterious dead fish are certainly for real. And if you find one in your car, you may have to have a talk with the previous owners, and assess their fishing habits. What diseases do dead fish have? Well, I just Googled it, and the answer is maybe like fungus or something. We can only hope that Zola has recovered from the shock of her great find, digital gold, but there’s still a problem here. Something worse than dead fish. The real question remains unanswered. Did Zola ever find the debit card? Sucks to lose one of those.

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