We start out the show with lifelong train wreck, Mike “The Situation”, introducing us to the reunion special. The Situation needs to situate himself in the gym, for real.
He talks about how it’s been 5 years since —the show about unemployable Italian people getting lost on a beach that’s a mile long—aka his peak.
He’s like “the last five years have not been cool, I’ve had to face the consequences of all my decisions and that’s just not what I signed up for.” Sounds like post-grad life.
He says he still lives the GTL life but his chubby cheeks say that he really lives the BLT life.
He introduces us to his girlfriend and they start making out at the barbershop.
The Barber as The Situation sucks face with his gf in the chair:
Mike has basically lost touch with all the cast because he took that pill addiction we all had in college way too far and ended up in rehab. Twice. The Situation says he’s nervous they won’t want to talk to him and his girlfriend reassures him that all his friends love him still, which is a really weird way of saying “they’re going to be making money from this, they wouldn’t miss it.”
He goes to pick up Snooki, a living legend. Snooks is like “I was a mess, but I’m so changed and mature now” as she downs Pinot Grigio while holding a baby at 11am.
Her husband must be really outdoorsy because Snooki’s lips are like small mountains. He’s gotta put on some hiking gear just to make out with her, damn.
Mike doesn’t even get out of the car to reunite with his old friend. He just honks the horn outside of her house like Karen, the lady who used to drive the carpool to soccer practice.
Within three seconds of getting in the car, Snooki forgets what day it is, doubles up on birth control pills and asks Mike how many women he’s fucked. I don’t call them “living legends” for nothing.
Snooki: Mike, are you going to jail ?
They go to get Pauly D, who is living his best life as a bottom-tier DJ at shitty nightclubs in Miami.
Pauly is apparently still into GTL too and could damn near audition for the part of Tracy Turnblad with the amount of hairspray he uses. No one light a match within 100 feet of this dude.
Pauly’s girlfriend is Aubrey O’Day from /that band Diddy made one time and they talk about how she is super hot and dislikes how Pauly D probably cheats on her. The usual relationship woes.
They start talking about Ronnie and how he is a huge piece of shit now that the Kardashians made Malika dump him. Because the Kardashians have an iron grip on E! Network’s balls, Ronnie will not be attending this reunion. Sorry Ronnie, you can try Sears.
JWoww is next to be picked up by this ghetto bus. She explains about how she is a “girl boss” running a blog and it’s like, hmmm take a number.
They are all in the car and I wonder how fucking badly it smells in there of spray tans, gaudy perfume and axe body spray.
They all are excited to go back to Seaside, but Mike lets them know that they were legitimately banned from the whole town. Seaside has taken a stronger stance against guidos then Trump did against Nazis. What a time to be alive.
They go to the one restaurant on the shore that will allow them back and Sammi Sweetheart meets up with them. She’s like “hopefully this is a great reunion and we all make out.” Yup, that’ll really be a productive way to catch up.
Sammi is a not a regular podcaster, she’s a cool podcaster who is totally not crazy and fucking obsessed with the new guy she’s dating.
They ask Sammi about Ronnie and she’s like “STAAAHPPP” and says she doesn’t wanna talk about him. Well, okay this was fun.
Discussions ensue about threesomes, foursomes, and gross things they did on the shore, and I consider calling my parents up and asking why they allowed me to watch this shit as a youth.
In the surprise twist no one saw coming, we find out that all of them have gotten botox and all the girls have gotten boob jobs. This is episode is actually going to be on too, if you missed it.
SAMMI: I got a boob job
After ogling each other’s balloon sized tits and faces made of rubber, they start reminiscing on the time Mike knocked himself out on a concrete wall. He’s like “that was a dark time for me”. And he means that literally because he gave himself a fucking concussion from fighting a wall and had to sit in a dark room for a number of days.
The girls also reveal that MTV, the usually morally upstanding television network, used to make them watch old episodes and get riled up so they could fight each other. I see you, MTV.
They talk about Mike possibly going to jail and he’s really scared because he’ll only get the “G” and the “L”—where’s the T going to come from, dammit?
The group decides to be supportive of Mike’s sobriety and take a nice big shot in his honor. Nailed it.
They go walk around the shore, basking in their D-list glory, expertly avoiding any conversation about Vinny, Deena or Angelina. And then, they leave? The fuck kind of road trip is this? This is more of a field trip! And I’ve had way more dramatic field trips before. This is not what I signed up for when my daddy started paying for my cable.
More From this publisher : HERE
If you like our content help us with a share… or two …
Also - I have some free stuff for you .......
Nr 1. Top 10 Email Marketing Mistakes. Which of these mistakes do you make?
Nr 2. You can learn about : The hottest social networking site that will send an unlimited stampede of traffic to your site - for FREE! How to quickly locate a swarm of hungry buyers using "information portals"! The fast and easy way to use simple images to siphon targeted traffic, on command! Learn how to get the most possible traffic from Instagram, and make sure that traffic converts! And much more ...
Nr 3. It’s no secret… Facebook is an incredible place to get tons of free, viral traffic. But… most people are going about it all wrong. How many of these mistakes are you making? Download the free report to find out.
Nr 4. Special free report . It's called "Operation Midas Touch" and you can download it here...
The report features a surefire method for generating at least $1000 per week online,without a website or product of your own!
Nr 5. Instagram is still one of the hottest ways to get a LOT of traffic fast. All by sharing images. Sounds easy enough, yeah? Well, yes and no. If you want to really start driving a lot of traffic and making sales using Instagram then you should download this report.
Nr 6. When it comes to creating a product online there are so many ways to approach it. Wouldn’t it be great to just get the meat of it all so you can get started faster? Well, the good news is, today you can download a guide called the Product Creation Formula Quickstart Guide. It’s as the title suggests - a Quickstart guide. You’ll get a list of action steps to take right away. Download your copy today !
Nr 7. Would you like to finally USE all of that dusty PLR you have sitting around on your harddrive? Or maybe find the resources for the best PLR available - at the best prices? What about how to use that PLR to make you money with just a few minutes of work. Well, you’re not going to want to miss this!
Nr 8. Buzzfeed’s top post has more than 21 million views. Think about that for a sec… ONE of their articles has had over 21 million people who have read it! And they have thousands of articles... what would you do with that kind of traffic? A friend of mine hacked their method and was able to use it to get 11,592 targeted new subscribers in 2 weeks on their very first attempt!
Nr 9. Push notifications are one of today's hottest trends in website traffic and conversions, and for good reason. Studies have shown that as many as 40% of people will opt-in for push notifications, which is about TEN TIMES the rate of people who opt-in for emails! That’s huge! Not only that, but they're also highly effective at pulling clicks, as well. Some studies have shown CTR at an average of around 40%, with highs of as much as 80%! Again, that’s huge!
Nr 10. Would you like to know how to get more money from the exact same number of website visitors you’re currently getting? Even if you’re website is getting as few as 1-2 visitors a day, this report will show you how to increase your profits using these few handy hacks.
Nr 11. People have now realised that it's not the size of the list which matters, it's the quality. ... and the only way to create a quality list is by launching your own products. Let it be $7 ebooks, $17 info products, $27 video training product or software's... all of these work. My good friend Kevin Fahey has is revealing how he's launched over 20 products in the past 4 years, many of them top sellers. Needless to say he's banked a handsome amount in this time.
Nr 12. Do you ever feel that the man you like or even love, just doesn't see you or desire you in way you want him to? Or... maybe you're able to get a man's attention though not the right kind of attention? Or... maybe you're still single because you wait and wait for men to approach you first? What you may not know is that the way we flirt will either attract the "wrong" man for us or the "right" man.
Nr 13. When it comes to getting sales and leads online, there is ONE thing that 95% of marketers use... it's called a LIST. My friend Jimmy just released a free book that explains WHY a list is important and how YOU can build your own list. It's available right here (and it won't cost you a penny)
Nr 14. If you have tried everything, and still aren't able to get your Ex back, then you need to pay attention.
Nr 15. What if I told you that you could make ANY woman WANT to do ANYTHING for you? Would you think I'm crazy? Well... what If I told you that you could also make her LOVE every minute of it and come back for more?
Nr 16. I have a special free plugin for you today. It's called "Covert Hover Mini"
This plugin will triple your blog traffic by compelling your visitors to share your images on social media. This is some really clever stuff and it works like a charm. After you grab your free plugin, don't forget to read the free bonus report as it will show exactly how and why this strategy works like crazy.
Nr 17. The days of being able to get away with a basic WP theme and a pic or two are gone, your site needs to look good. Even Google are looking for you to have engaging graphics on your site. But getting good quality graphics made for your site is a pain, AND it will cost you both time and money (if you outsource it). But I have a special free download for you today. A virtual treasure chest of over 21K profit pulling graphics you can start sing today to generate more traffic & sales!
Nr 18. 20 professional full HD background videos. These background videos are perfect for giving your videos that extra kick they need to stand out from the crowd Oh yeah they are in full 1080p HD too, I hope you'll enjoy them.
Nr 20. No doubt, you've seen all of the video launches lately! There is a reason for it... Video marketing is a GREAT way to make money, and with the recent creation tools making it super accessable for anyone to get started... It's no surprise that more people are making videos. However... there is a missing element to most video marketing products...
Nr 21. For the first time ever... You can get the straight scoop on how someone is selling over $1,000,000/year of t-shirts on Facebook!Use them .... and have fun !