You are a total sweetheart. As harmless as a fly, even when someone gets you angry. The creepiest thing you do is snoop through your person’s phone and spend a little too much time looking through your ex’s social media. You’re willing to do some sneaky things in the name of love. Otherwise, you’re as normal as they come.
You might own a few creepy dolls and maybe even some taxidermy, but overall, you are pretty tame. Pretty sane. No one has to watch their back around you. What they see is pretty much what they get. You aren’t the type to stab someone in the back. You have strong morals and a strong heart.
You have horror movie marathons with your friends on the weekend. You get way too excited when Halloween rolls around. And your closet is filled to the brim with black clothing. You you’re creepy, but you’re actually pretty harmless.
You are always talking about death. Joking about how you want to die. When you’re angry, you say things like you want to punch yourself in the face or slit your own throat. And when you’re happy, you say things like you’re going to have a heart attack. Everything that comes out of your mouth is violent.
Movies can never have enough gore to satisfy you. And even though you claim that you hate jump scares, they still get your adrenaline pumping. You also haunted houses and haunting music, because they always put you on edge. You get a sick sort of satisfaction from being terrified.
You believe in ghosts — in fact, you have a story about how you’ve seen/felt/heard one yourself. You get your palms read and your tarot cards done as often as you can. And there’s always some sort of new conspiracy theory that you’re 100% convinced is the truth.
You aren’t scared of the things that most people fear. You have no problem with spiders or rats. You don’t flinch when you see blood or guts. And you feel completely comfortable sitting inside of graveyards and walking through the woods. Nothing fazes you.
You are sadistic — the kind of person who slows down whenever they see a car crash to get a glance at the damage. And you are desensitized to violence — the kind of person who doesn’t even notice when blood is leaking out of their own body until someone else points it out.
You have written/illustrated/joked about some pretty disturbing things in the past. And your browser history is filled with incriminating searches. It’s not like you would actually dismember someone with a saw or need to know which poison is the hardest to detect in someone’s body. You were just curious about the answers.
You own an Ouija board. You love shows about disturbing ways to die. And you’ve read countless Wikipedia articles about serial killers, because their stories fascinate you — and honestly, you can relate to them a little more than you probably should. You feel a weird bond with them.
You have a collection of knives. You have read passages from the Satanic Bible. And you know more than you should about how to perform exorcisms, how to mix together a lethal concoction, and how to hide a body.
You have all the qualities of a serial killer. You can detach yourself from situations. You don’t really care about anyone else’s issues, except for your own. And you laugh at other people’s pain. If you had a good enough reason to murder someone, you could easily do it without getting caught. Without spending a single day in a jail cell. You’re the most lethal of all the zodiacs.
Holly Riordan is the author of , available here.
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